Measuring Loneliness

Measuring Loneliness

To imagine that I feel what the mountains and the oceans must feel and yet I am so small in comparison, do you even notice? How am I to exist and thrive in my solitude for centuries to come when I can’t even get through a single day without thinking of you? And that is why loneliness can be measured, because I can count all the hours and minutes that I dream of you.

I can stare in to the ocean for centuries and hope that you would just give me a second in return. But I am always beyond your line of vision. Like a horizon that you find beautiful, but you have no need to touch or to hold. A horizon is a point, a distance, something out of reach. My eyes are set on you and I am watching you watching me, but you are so controlled and at ease. You gaze at me with such tenderness and you are happy to see me lovely but you choose to not be lovely with me. Did I not occupy any space in your heart?

I threw my madness in to the sea to will you back to me. I watched my madness tumble-down the cliff just as the waves clenched its hands around it. I watched my madness go down like a burning ship, I watched the ocean consume my past, and I ignited my freedom.

Are you not like the ocean, consuming all my passions, and taking me down with you into your abyss? You are of magnanimous strength but as beautiful as you are, you come with grey ominous skies. Maybe that is why you can’t distinguish the little hurricane you hold in your arms, because you are the creator of storms. And that too is loneliness.

If and when we meet again I want to share all these stories with you, so when you turn to kiss me, hope like hell you can taste all the places I’ve been and how lonely I was without you.

 

-Ciara 



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